Local Monkey Ruins Family’s Picnic, Makes Onlookers’ Day

Mr. Grieves gorges on cantaloupe as if feasting on the blood of his enemies.

Manual Antonio National Park, Costa Rica – A large water cooler containing fruit, potato chips, soda, and cold cuts, was broken into and burglarized yesterday by an adult, male, rhesus monkey known as Mr. Grieves, as flocks of international tourists stood by guffawing and “uh-oh”-ing. The monkey contraband’s proprietor, Helen Christianson, of Birmingham, Alabama, pleaded with the Mr. Grieves to “come back with our picnic-y food, you damn monkey!” to no avail. A group of slack-jawed, wide-eyed onlookers could only fumble with their digital cameras and point and laugh, with one German backpacker exhorting, “Ach! Das kamera phone ist ein...nuisance kamera!” Grievesy, as he is affectionately known to park employees, was last seen peeing in the direction of a Canadian couple and scurrying off into the jungle. He could not be reached for comment.